Train Ettiquette

[Sis]

I'm sure there are many unwritten "rules" that regular train travelers have in their heads. I am traveling with children ages 10 and 8 - a generally quiet girl and a generally loud boy on a LD train. It is a LONG trip!

Would it be frowned upon for the kids to interact with other passengers - like asking them to play games of tic tac toe, or taking pictures of them, or handing out "tickets" for PLEASANT behaviors like smiling?

At what point is it "too much" noise? I will not keep them quiet for 48+ hours! I do plan on taking plenty of quiet games like cards and hangman but there will be times they want to RUN! hboy: I'm sure running is not allowed or even safe on the train but maybe there's a place they can do pushups or something?

Ideas?

 

[neroden]

Don't get cutesy with "tickets". It's OK for your kids to introduce themselves to strangers and politely ask them if they would like to play a game or if they would mind having their picture taken. (Actually, it's good practice for your kids to practice the polite way to introduce yourself to a stranger. "How do you do, I'm Ryan, what's your name", etc.) If the stranger declines to engage, of course, leave them alone.

There's nowhere to do pushups if you're in coach, but if your kids know yoga or calisthenics, there's enough room for a small person to do quite a lot of yoga or calisthenics at your seat, quietly. Also true in the cafe/lounge. A sleeper has enough room for pushups.

Running is not allowed, but it's totally OK to take a "constitutional" walk from one end of the train to the other just to get some exercise and many of us do so.

If your kid needs to be loudly talkative for long periods, or at night, they need to hang out in the cafe/lounge. There will be people trying to sleep in the coaches so conversations should be kept to a murmur. If there are people trying to sleep in the cafe/lounge, they're not supposed to be sleeping, and it's OK if they get woken up.

 

[Eric308]

I suggest you keep them as "low-key" as possible. I'm thinking that most passengers will not take too kindly to being boldly approached...especially in the regular seating sections. They might get a better reception in the observation car where people tend to be more relaxed and casual. Be very careful about asking for photos. Amish/Mennonite people do not allow it, and you will probably see a few on the train. I think if you see someone smile and/or say hello to them it might just indicate a door opening for more interaction. Hopefully, they will "sense" this and not become too pushy. Just realize the train is not a playground and your kids should be briefed accordingly.

 

[StriderGDM]

For me, when I'm in coach on a LD (or even corridor) trip I'm not really looking to engage with other passengers.

Honestly, if a kid tried to give me a ticket for "good behavior" I'd be very put off, especially if they're over the age of 5 or 6.

Running is not allowed. There's sometimes room if there's no ADA passengers with wheelchairs to sit on the floor and play a game if you're a kid, but technically that space is reserved for luggage and wheelchair passengers.

If this is a Western LD train, then spend time in the lounge car, bring some games. There people are more likely to socialize.

But honestly, you may be better off in a sleeper or flying.

And that said, I normally love kids and all that (even if this post doesn't make it sound that way

 

[CoachSlumber]

Tickets? Is this free-range parenting?

 

[Mystic River Dragon]

A roomette or family room sounds like what you need. The children I have come across in the sleepers tend to be well-behaved, perhaps because of the quieter atmosphere. Your 10-year-old girl would probably like the comparative "elegance" (I do use that term loosely) of the sleepers, especially if she tends to be quiet.

 

[Sis]

I assure you I am not a free-range parent! I tend to keep the reins a little too tight and am trying to feel my way to an acceptable level of looseness for the kid's sake.

 

[Sis]

Ah yes, thanks for that cultural note.

 

[Sis]

LOL Noted.

 

[Sis]

Thanks for your perspective. Are there "hours" for the lounge?

 

[Sis]

Just brainstorming.

 

[Steve4031]

IMHO you should not encourage your children to initiate interactions with other passengers. This puts others on the spot. It's not our job to play games with your kids and entertain them.

You can print out route guides and schedules for the train you will be traveling on. Teach them how to read the time table and track the progress of the train on a map. This is a great way to teach time and geography. If the train runs late you get some math in there too.

 

[Ronbo]

IMHO you should not encourage your children to initiate interactions with other passengers. This puts others on the spot. It's not our job to play games with your kids and entertain them.

You can print out route guides and schedules for the train you will be traveling on. Teach them how to read the time table and track the progress of the train on a map. This is a great way to teach time and geography. If the train runs late you get some math in there too.

I agree that the kids should not be encouraged to interact with others, especially adults. However, if they casually meet someone,especially kids near their own age, then by all means that should be acceptable. I have seen many children from different families strike up friendships and do things together on the train. It seems also that many times they tend to be more polite and quieter when this happens. Just my observations.

 

[oregon pioneer]

I am a Little Old Lady, with no kids of my own, but I have lots of nieces and nephews (and now grand-etc). I agree with others that the Sightseer Lounge is a good place to play games and socialize. I assume, since you say 48 hours, that you are taking one of the western trains which are double-decker trains. The upstairs level of the lounge car has 4-person tables and 1 or 2-person lounge seats facing the windows.

If I see your kids having fun, I'll be the one with a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my lips. If they watch for who makes eye contact, and smiles, they can find someone who wants to socialize. It's good social exercise to practice being respectful of boundaries ("It's OK if you don't want to answer, just tell me and I'll ask something or someone else"). You should always be present in the background. Even on the train, you want to make sure your children are both being respectful, and not being exposed to people or behaviors you wouldn't want.

They may be able to find room to do pushups in the lower level of coach, in the aforementioned space reserved for wheelchairs. Sometimes it's occupied by a person or a pile of luggage, but any time during daylight hours that it is not, I can't see any reason why it wouldn't amuse the occupants of the area to watch your children exercise! Again, it's important to be respectful and ask first.

Actual running should be reserved for areas away from trainside, at the longer stops. There are always stops where the train crew changes (every 6-8 hours or so), the trash is taken off, and the water refilled. It can be interesting to walk the length of the train and see what activity is taking place. If you go to the head end of the train, and the side of the platform AWAY from trainside, you can find a little room to stretch and run. Be sure and ask before you get off what time you need to be back in your seat, and listen for the "all aboard." Best to be back by your car's entry door when you hear that, because it's the last thing they say before they shut the doors! DON'T LEAVE THE PLATFORM at train stops.

I am sure you and the kids will have a wonderful time. Please check back in and let us know how it turns out.

 

[Cina]

I've struck up some conversations with kids on the train, usually in the dining car or the sightseer lounge. It helps that I'm a K-12 teacher I think letting your kids strike up conversations with willing adults in the diner/lounge is fine, and something I wish more of my students had practice doing. Kids are used to talking about themselves, it's refreshing to see one ask an adult a question as simple as "where are you headed?" In fact, it's good practice for some teens/adults too. Of course, not everyone wants to have a conversation. Feeling out those social situations is how you learn, and I don't have a problem with it (if a kiddo's parents are with them.) We're not talking about waking up a sleeping person in their seat to ask them their favorite color.

I absolutely agree with Oregon Pioneer about socializing in the lounge.

Edit: Oh yeah, as to noise - I had a couple of noisy siblings behind me in coach a while back who couldn't stop pestering each other and whining to mom (whose response was increasing the volume of her "knock it off!" each time). It wasn't pleasant. I think a good rule of thumb when it comes to coach is, If you'd be annoyed by the noise level coming from the back seat of your car on a long drive, it'll be annoying to people around you in coach. If I were explaining it to my kids, I'd say whisper voices once people start sleeping in coach, quiet talking in coach all other times. Save normal talking/excited talking for the lounge or cafe. Save outside voices for fresh air stops

 

[Eric308]

Good observations form Cina above. Also, be very aware the conductors are almost 100% intolerant of any out of control kids. I witnessed a young mother and two youngsters get booted off the train in Malta, MT one afternoon. He had warned the family numerous times and enough was enough.

 

[me_little_me]

One thing to consider is to accompany him on his talking to others. Some people may be concerned they could be accused of something if they talk to a kid. It would be a good opportunity to remind him to introduce himself first and to not continue to bother someone who indicates they are not interested. You should then take him away from hearing of that person and explain that some people want privacy and he should ask someone else. Also, there might be other kids of his age on board and you can have him introduce himself there.

 

[the_traveler]

The café counter (where they sell food, snacks, soda, etc...) is open from 6 am to midnight or so, but the SSL (lounge car) is available 24 hours a day.

 

[neroden]

If they watch for who makes eye contact, and smiles, they can find someone who wants to socialize. It's good social exercise to practice being respectful of boundaries ("It's OK if you don't want to answer, just tell me and I'll ask something or someone else"). You should always be present in the background. Even on the train, you want to make sure your children are both being respectful, and not being exposed to people or behaviors you wouldn't want.

All of this, a thousand times. It's well worth it for children to practice the fine art of introducing themselves to strangers while respecting the strangers' boundaries. It's still a hard skill for many adults, but it's invaluable. They need to learn to recognize the signs of "leave me alone" as well as the signs of "sure, I'd love to chat".
(This instruction applies to your kids as well as you.) Socialization requires an opening. For some reason in our culture, having kids is an opening for anyone to talk to *you*, so they're more likely to initiate by saying "What nice kids you have!". But there are examples of ways your kid can initiate a conversation. For instance, in the lounge, commenting on the scenery will often start a conversation. If someone is looking at a railroad map, and your kid is interested, they can say "Excuse me, could you tell me about that map" and strike up a conversation that way. (If that person is busy, they'll say, "Sorry, I'm working" or something similar and then you leave them alone.) Et cetera.

One thing to consider is to accompany him on his talking to others. Some people may be concerned they could be accused of something if they talk to a kid. It would be a good opportunity to remind him to introduce himself first and to not continue to bother someone who indicates they are not interested. You should then take him away from hearing of that person and explain that some people want privacy and he should ask someone else. Also, there might be other kids of his age on board and you can have him introduce himself there.

Yep. This too. People will be more comfortable talking to your kids with you around, due to a sad sort of paranoia in our culture.

Proper behavior for kids is all basic standard etiquette such as Emily Post would have taught, but it's kind of fallen out of fashion to teach it formally. Really, if your kids can politely interact with strangers the same way you would interact with adults who you met casually at a coffee shop, they're doing it right. (Assuming you know how to strike up a conversation with a stranger, which I guess I shouldn't assume!)

Edit: Oh yeah, as to noise - I had a couple of noisy siblings behind me in coach a while back who couldn't stop pestering each other and whining to mom (whose response was increasing the volume of her "knock it off!" each time). It wasn't pleasant. I think a good rule of thumb when it comes to coach is, If you'd be annoyed by the noise level coming from the back seat of your car on a long drive, it'll be annoying to people around you in coach. If I were explaining it to my kids, I'd say whisper voices once people start sleeping in coach, quiet talking in coach all other times. Save normal talking/excited talking for the lounge or cafe. Save outside voices for fresh air stops

This is correct. Applies to sleepers too -- the walls aren't that thick.

 

[StriderGDM]

Can you let us know which train you'll be on? That may give us more ideas to suggest too.

 

[Sis]

We'll be on the one from Spokane to Chicago and the one from Chicago to D.C. - round trip.

 

[StriderGDM]

So Empire Builder and then the Capitol Limited I believe.

That should give folks some more insight into what they can recommend (there's a few spots where you can get off the train for 5-10 minutes, as long as you stay right near the train. (Don't wander off, the train WILL leave without you!

Also, keep in mind you will have electrical outlets, so a DVD player with headphones can do wonders.

 

[jebr]

I agree with the advice of talking to people ion the lounge car. If I was just sitting in my standard coach seat, I'll probably be listening to music, reading a book, etc. and not be in the mood to be disturbed. I'm guessing most people are like that. I'd probably quickly reply if someone asked me a question, but overall if I'm wanting to socialize, I'll head to the lounge car.

The lounge car is seen as the place where people socialize and relax more. Since it's a public space, people would be more willing to socialize there and be more receptive to a stranger (even a kid) there.

 

[crabby_appleton1950]

In my humble opinion:

Children aboard a train should be supervised and under the control of the adults with them.

Other passengers should not be expected to interact or entertain them.

Children shouldn't give out 'tickets' to adults willing to play along with them. I don't find that amusing or appropriate.

I'm traveling for my own pleasure and someone else's kids don't figure into my plans.

 

[neroden]

Also, keep in mind you will have electrical outlets, so a DVD player with headphones can do wonders.

Yep. Definitely have the kids bring their favorite electronic devices and headphones to stay quietly occupied. You will have your own power outlets.