A Day Late: Amtrak Partners with Amazon to Reduce Traveler Delay

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jebr

jebr

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In order to combat continuing delays being experienced on congested freight networks along the Empire Builder line, Amtrak has announced the immediate availability of a new transportation service along the corridor from the Pacific Northwest to Chicago, developed under a “skunk works” joint venture with Amazon.com. The new service, Point-to-Point Person-in-Package PrimeAir Program (P2P PiP PAP), promises to prompt pickup and delivery of travelers from home to destination, without the need to stop at intermediate stations.


Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos stated, “Amtrak came to us and said they wanted to ‘pull an Apple’ and bring Star Trek technology to life. Touch screens have been done, and teleporter technology isn’t quite ready yet, but researchers uncovered an example of personal transportation which used hollowed-out photon torpedoes to secretly send people around the galaxy.
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Link (streets.mn)
 
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prompt pickup and delivery of travelers from home to destination, without the need to stop at intermediate stations
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Obviously an April Fool's joke but the other 364 days of the year, this service is called a "taxi."
 
And if Amazon goes down, Mothra -- the giant sometimes enemy / sometimes friend of Godzilla, shall rise from the Pacific and fly to the affected train. It six legs shall grab the locomotive carefully and pull it along the route, using eye lazers to fuse temporary bridges over almost aything, especially the dratted Bakken oil traffic. Its wings are powerful enough to send adversaries airborn, including Paul Ryan and other T.P. members. The great Mothra knows passenger trains' value to the world it, and the rest of us, depend on, and a sectopod translator has interpreted its message that it is a friend and defender of our rail system. Mothra's further plans is to spin silk cables to CAF factory for use in correcting the mystery delays, whispered by many to be problems with the steel. Ounce for ounce, the silk of a moth, spider, or butterfly has greater tensile strenth than steel, and thus may result in a new, revolutionary railcar building technique.

Amtrak may have found an unlikely friend and ally, in this oversized insect born of radioactive egg. Mothra: the great and powerful.
 
This already exists - it's called FedEx. Wrap yourself in bubble wrap, poke a few holes in the box, you'll be there by 10 am.
 
Just-Thinking-51 said:
My local Post Office still gets delivers of live chicks (baby hens).

We are a bit rural, both UPS, and FedEx deliver to the post office.
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Mine had bees last year. I walked in to pick up a package and heard this....sound. That I then realized was bees. I asked the woman on duty, "Do they actually ship bees in the mail?" and she said "Yeah, and I hope the person who ordered them comes and gets them soon...."

This is not the same situation as the fellow who allegedly sent an envelope full of dead bees to the IRS to express his displeasure over something ;)
 
FriskyFL said:
This already exists - it's called FedEx. Wrap yourself in bubble wrap, poke a few holes in the box, you'll be there by 10 am.
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I wish it was by 10 am!
I had ordered something shipped by FedEx Ground. It took 3 DAYS to ship it 200 miles from NJ to SPG, then it took a full DAY to drive it across town (in SPG) from FedEx to the Post Office. Then FedEx thinks it would take 3 days to deliver it the remaining 200 miles - like it took FedEx to go 200 miles. I had it in my hand the following morning!
 
Since this thread is already derailed. If you've ever had the desire to ship yourself with a package take a look at UPS Custom Critical. For some outragoues fees you can fly with your package on your very own chartered plane.
 
Long Train Runnin' said:
Since this thread is already derailed. If you've ever had the desire to ship yourself with a package take a look at UPS Custom Critical. For some outragoues fees you can fly with your package on your very own chartered plane.
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Do they accept hamsters?
 
NE933 said:
And if Amazon goes down, Mothra -- the giant sometimes enemy / sometimes friend of Godzilla, shall rise from the Pacific and fly to the affected train. It six legs shall grab the locomotive carefully and pull it along the route, using eye lazers to fuse temporary bridges over almost aything, especially the dratted Bakken oil traffic. Its wings are powerful enough to send adversaries airborn, including Paul Ryan and other T.P. members. The great Mothra knows passenger trains' value to the world it, and the rest of us, depend on, and a sectopod translator has interpreted its message that it is a friend and defender of our rail system. Mothra's further plans is to spin silk cables to CAF factory for use in correcting the mystery delays, whispered by many to be problems with the steel. Ounce for ounce, the silk of a moth, spider, or butterfly has greater tensile strenth than steel, and thus may result in a new, revolutionary railcar building technique.

Amtrak may have found an unlikely friend and ally, in this oversized insect born of radioactive egg. Mothra: the great and powerful.
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We don't need no foreigners nor invasive insects. Do it the good old American way - SUPERMAN! He's more powerful than a (old fashioned steam) locomotive.

He fights for truth, justice and the American way. The first keeps away Congress; the send prevents Amtrak and its passengers from being ripped off and the third means we'll all have to drive instead.
 
Haha! Yes, Superman.

Actually, remember in the first movie with Christopher Reeve, during an earthquake deliberately set off by Lex Luthor, an SDP-45 powered Amtrak train is headed for a crack in the rails, and Superman zooms over to it, lifts the left rail, and uses his body to act as the right, and the train passes safely overhead!

Sadly with Reeves gone the scene is emotional.
 
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