Your funniest Amtrak story?

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This was not on Amtrak, but at Hoboken Terminal many years ago when I worked there. There was a gateman of many years service out on the gates at rush hour. The train board read the 5:00 pm to Suffern, NY A passenger came up to Louie the gateman and asked, " What time does the 5 o'clock train leave? Louie looked at his watch and with a broad smile answered " Four sixty. "
 
AmtrakBlue said:
OK, my story is funny in it's own little way, not Ha Ha funny.

My youngest daughter (18 at the time) and I were taking our first LD train trip to visit my oldest daughter in Utah. This was a little over 2 years after my husband (thier dad) had passed away.

I had reserved a shared airport van to take us to the train station. What shows up? A Lincoln Town Car. All the vans were already in use. Our driver's name was Bill.

On the Cap, our SCA tells us his name - Bill. My daughter and I look at each other thinking what a coincident.

On the SWC, our SCA announces over the PA, you can call me William or you can call me Will (or was it Willie - this was a few years ago), but don't call me Bill. Yet another William/Bill.

We flew home and again were picked up by a Lincoln Town Car instead of a van. We did not get the driver's name this time.

Why is this "funny"? My husband's name is William and he went by both Bill and Will(ie). And he did not like to fly, so I assume he went out to Utah with us by train but stayed behind (or took the train back) when we flew home. :ph34r: :p

For those who believe in an after life / paranormal activity, my oldest told me later, after I had told her this story, that she remembered something strange happening about the time she confirmed by a home test that she was pregnant (a few days after we had left). As I recall, the front door of their apartment opened and closed or something like that. I think her dad was letting her know he was there to watch over her and the baby. And I think she also experienced his presence during her labor. So I guess he did stay in Utah. :)
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⇧LIKE⇧
 
Bob Dylan said:
Triley said:
Not a funny story, but a funny one liner. One from working a cafe today in fact!

"Is there meat in the cheeseburger?" I held it together until after she left.
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Good one Triley, on the Texas Eagle we call the Veggie Burger when ordered with Bacon and Cheese "The Cheater Burger!"
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Thanks. :p Can't make this stuff up!

That would be another situation I'd probably have to do a double take over. I've noticed it's been happening quite often as of late!

greatcats said:
This was not on Amtrak, but at Hoboken Terminal many years ago when I worked there. There was a gateman of many years service out on the gates at rush hour. The train board read the 5:00 pm to Suffern, NY A passenger came up to Louie the gateman and asked, " What time does the 5 o'clock train leave? Louie looked at his watch and with a broad smile answered " Four sixty. "
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This..This really made me laugh. I really could use that tonight, thank you!
 
I have my giggle about another Louie! He was our attendant on our latest Coast Starlight trip and we hit it off house on fire. We both just got each other...same sense of humor. He was strangling me and giving me bunny ears in photos.... calling me spoiled and saying my husband is getting a Medal of Honor in the mail for putting up with me.... so we were buying our annual bottle of wine in the Parlour Car and I noticed the Snickers bar had "Ornery" on it. I just couldn't resist. We bought it and I walked back to our car since our stop was next. I walk to Louie's room and very softly say "I don't want to forget your tip..." and hand him the candy bar.... the smile on his face will make my day for years to come....
 
Posted this in 2008 but here goes anyway:

[SIZE=12pt]I rode the Southwest Chief from LA to Chicago in June 2008. Had an interesting person sit next to me. I was sitting in the window seat behind my two older children (age 20 and 16). She appeared to be about age 50 and was able to get up and down the stairs on the train fine. The following occurred in the first evening:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]* Before the train started, she asked me to open the CD player she bought. It came in hard, thick plastic but I was able to puncture the plastic with a key and give her the CD player.

* After I handed it to her, she made no move to take the plastic trash and instructions despite me holding them right in front of her for a minute or two. I placed the trash at our feet and one of my kids tossed it in the trash can a few minutes later.[/SIZE]

* She treated me and all in the area to a serenade as she sung along to the CDs she was playing. This went on for a few hours. She was not very loud but she was mouthing the words loud enough for many to hear. I assume that was so because she had headphones on and could not hear herself singing aloud.

* She invaded my territory (seat) and used my leg as a table for her to place her purse while she was looking for something. I didn't mind but I thought she might ask before doing so. When she slept, she was pushed up against me.

* While I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom downstairs, she asked my daughter where the snack bar was. My daughter gave her the directions (we were in the last coach car). The woman asked if my daughter could take her to the snack bar. She did. When my daughter took her there, my daughter turned to go back to her seat. The woman said not to leave her as she was not sure she could find her way back to her seat. (Up the stairs and go to the last coach car....oh well.)

* She ate her snacks on the tray and fell asleep with some food on the tray. I had to use the restroom about 11:30 PM. My kids helped me lift her food off of the tray, fold up the tray and I stepped over her. I felt like Mr. Bean and my kids had a hard time not laughing their heads off at what happened. When I returned to my seat, we had to lower the tray and put her food back on it again. She woke up around midnight and offered me some of her food. "No thanks."

* A bit later that evening, she woke my daughter up to ask where the bathrooms were. At least she didn't insist on my daughter taking her to and from the restroom.

The next day--

My kids and I spent almost the entire day in the observation car. I found a seat across the aisle from my kids that was completely empty and slept there.

* When one of my kids went back to the seat to get an item, the woman asked if my kid could bring her a fork from the snack bar. "Okay, but I don't plan on being back here for several hours." The woman said that was okay. (NOTE--she did not appear to have a disability or mobility issue/)

* As I said above, we spent most of the second day in the observation car. We got off at Albuquerque and walked around some. She ran into us near the train and said, "Oh my gosh I am glad you are here. I thought maybe I had missed my stop." NOTE--Her stop was Chicago, same as ours. It was also the last possible stop for the train. I would think even the most geographically challenged person may see that Albuquerque and it's dry, dusty appearance is NOT Chicago.

Anyway, I only had to spend one evening and night next to her. She wasn't horrible but she was quite an experience.
 
My wife and I found this amusing. Some years ago we were on the Autotrain, enjoying our dining car and lounge car conversations with lots of interesting people -- educators, lawyers, doctors, postal workers, etc., etc.

It turns out we were coming into the Sanford station just in time for Daytona's "Bike Week." So we found it hilarious that almost all the folks we'd been chatting with were now in leather, some with tattoos that miraculously appeared, awaiting their motorcycles!
 
It turns out we were coming into the Sanford station just in etc. it time for Daytona's "Bike Week." So we found it hilarious that almost all the folks we'd been chatting with were now in leather, some with tattoos that miraculously appeared, awaiting their motorcycles!

--------

In the late 70's I as a clergyman (recently out of seminary) bicycled (10 speed) from NYC to Montreal, around Nova Scotia & the UK & France (over several summers) with 3 med students. Our cafe and hotel-keepers etc never saw us in 'professional dress' so they saw us as dirty etc.

It was fun to get out of 1 costume (clergy...Doctor) and assume the biker costume.

I suspect many of us enjoy (enjoyed) similar gigs.
 
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Great stories about the "Weekend Bikers"!

Here in Austin we have a huge Motorcycle Gathering every April which does include some authentic Bikers, but most of the attendees are wanna bes for the week riding their Rice Rockets and Very Expensive Harley's around town while dressed up in their leathers.

Sturgis it ain't!!
 
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I once saw a woman rush up to the TE in Fort Worth just as the train was about to pull out with a man with whom she was on VERY good terms with, a boy about 10 years old, a few-months-old baby, enough luggage to service the entire trainload of passengers, and a chihuahua. A CHIHUAHUA!!!! Amongst other things, along the way, she had no clue how to open the doors of the cars even after it was explained to her, yelled at her baby to shut up, a rather worthless exercise given the baby was just a few months old,and tried to go out for a cigarette at Temple just as the conductor was giving the "All Aboard!" call and complain about all the passengers going up the stairs as she was going down and then complain about not getting to smoke. The best part was getting aboard in Fort Worth with the man she had a very cozy relationship with and leaving it at Ontario,CA with ANOTHER man she had an obviously cozy relationship with. Man #1 by this time wasn't quite so cozy with her. ;)
 
JayPea said:
I once saw a woman rush up to the TE in Fort Worth just as the train was about to pull out with a man with whom she was on VERY good terms with, a boy about 10 years old, a few-months-old baby, enough luggage to service the entire trainload of passengers, and a chihuahua. A CHIHUAHUA!!!! Amongst other things, along the way, she had no clue how to open the doors of the cars even after it was explained to her, yelled at her baby to shut up, a rather worthless exercise given the baby was just a few months old,and tried to go out for a cigarette at Temple just as the conductor was giving the "All Aboard!" call and complain about all the passengers going up the stairs as she was going down and then complain about not getting to smoke. The best part was getting aboard in Fort Worth with the man she had a very cozy relationship with and leaving it at Ontario,CA with ANOTHER man she had an obviously cozy relationship with. Man #1 by this time wasn't quite so cozy with her. ;)
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I've heard stories of a "by the hour woman" who worked the Texas Eagle, coaxing Sleeping Car pax and making the rounds from there until getting tossed by the Conductor. I wonder if this is the same one... :giggle: :lol:
 
Where to start?

Several years ago some onboard service attendant on the Auto Train compiled a list of humorous questions asked by passengers. These were usually asked by first-time riders, so I don't like to call them stupid questions. They were more appropriately called poorly informed, or naive, or presumptuous, or poorly worded. When first distributed, the list contained almost 50 examples, but it quickly expanded. Last time I saw the list, it contained almost 100 examples. I lost my copy a long time ago, and don't know anybody who has a copy now.

A few gems from that list:

* What time is the 5 o'clock dinner seating?

* If the conductor is here in this car, who is driving the train?

* Can you help me? I don't remember which boxcar my accommodations are in.

* Does the engine burn coal?

* Do you go all the way? (presumably to the opposite end of the run)

* Why doesn't this train go all the way to New York? (or Boston, or Miami, or Montreal)

* Have you seen my husband? He's about 70 years old and has gray hair. (On most runs, this describes about 70% of male A-T passengers).

Tom
 
Last night:

Passenger: What train is this?

Me: 169.

Passenger: *annoyed* I know that. Where is the second car?

Me: That's not what you said, but...two more cars forward.

Friday:

Passenger: Do you know where car (excuse me for making one up) 81532 is?

Me: Um.... Sorry, but no. I can tell you where 43350 is (the Cafe we were in), but that's it, because I don't leave this car for my entire trip.

Passenger: Oh.. I guess I'll keep looking.

I assume she was trying to meet up with someone who was already onboard. I didn't have a manifest that showed me the consist, and since this was during boarding in NYP the conductors were on the platform so I couldn't ask them to check their manifest.

My favorite question I get occasionally in Boston when working First Class, but happens every time that I have worked First Class and we have turned around in the wye in Washington (meaning First Class is on the station end of the platform)?

Passengers: Which way is the train going?

Me: ...I hope we go that way. *points away from the station* 'Cause if we go that way *points towards the station* we're going to have a big problem.

I usually get a good laugh out of the passenger with that one. I actually had one passenger look at the station, look down the platform, then laugh and say "Yeah, that wasn't a very smart question was it?"
 
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I was boarding 58 in New Orleans. I saw a very attractive women in high heals striding down the platform. She boarded the 5800 sleeper and the man who was with her, carrying lots of luggage, gave the tickets to the sca. This was about 5 minutes before departure.

While the man was stowing the luggage the woman came back out and asked the sca if there was 7-up in the launch car. The sca simply stated that Amtrak only sold Pepsi products. I was ogling her as she walked down the platform. I was sure she was not going to make it back. The man came out looking for her. The sca stated she went into the station. By now it was 2 minutes until departure.

I settled into my roomette which was on the lower level platform side. I was hoping for another ogle opportunity when my scanner announced, "Amtrak 58 highball New Orleans!" The door shut and 58 rolled sans man and woman. There luggage was safely stowed on the train. My buddy who was with me, an ex police officer, surmised that the woman was a prostitute ditching a client.
 
Bob Dylan said:
OBS stories are outstanding! Ya'll see and hear them all! Keep 'em coming , they're great!
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Oh boy. There's many more where those came from. I'll try to update as I can when I remember former ones (I really need to keep a journal of these things!), and as new stories roll in.

Another few I just thought of which I found kind of amusing is... "Oh, it's not like Subway and you don't make the sandwiches fresh?" Meanwhile, I have so much stock on display on the counter that you barely see the back wall, so there's no room to even put a cup on the counter.

"You don't serve french fries?" (I get this almost weekly.) I use to respond and give them thought of 400 degree oil sloshing around on a train moving at up to 150mph, and the safety hazard it would be for everyone. Now I simply say no, and move on.

On 67 I learned that Pepsi cans have different colored dots on the bottom of the cans (which is true). The different colors mean things like...you're either going to get explosive diarrhea, or this one will make so you can't stop peeing, this color means you're going to start bleeding at the mouth. There are some other colors that are inappropriate to discuss on a public board. ;) Oh. I also learned that Pepsi products have pesticides put in the products to slowly kill us.

This guy came back a couple of times, of course. After his last visit, I told the crew I was going to grab the pack of aluminum foil and asked them if they would like to join me in making some tin foil hats to wear.

On 66 we had someone arrested on Christmas Eve for refusing to leave the Business Class car when she had a coach ticket, and she refused to leave the car to even be talked to by an Amtrak Police Officer. I guess she got handsy trying to get loose, so she ended up on her stomach and was cuffed. Meanwhile I had a wacko in my Cafe going ballistic because "This is what's f-----g wrong with this country!", basically accusing the two black conductors and 1 of the black APD officers of racial profiling (against one of their own???) Etc.etc. She told she was boiling mad and demanded water to cool herself down, so I gave her one crew water, then a second, and third. After the third I refused, and I got yelled at again because she is a starving artist and couldn't afford to buy a bottle of water (which is when I told her about the water taps across from the bathrooms in the coaches). She later told me she knew the secret to world peace, and was talked to by the CIA because of that.

In NY the crew generally kicks everyone out of the Cafe (not that there's usually anyone in there past NY anyway) so the LSA can venture in to the station or nap unbothered since we are closed for over an hour. So she moves up in to the next coach, right by the door. Not even five minutes in to sitting in NYP, she complains to the crew that "We've been sitting here too long, and I don't feel safe." So what does she do? She gets off the train and disappears. We didn't find out until just before New Haven that she got left behind in NY, when the passenger sitting across the aisle from where Wacko left her stuff told us that she hasn't seen her since NY.

I don't know what it is about 67/66, but it really draws the crazies out of the wood work. Which is exactly one reason why it's my favorite train! I get paid to work, and I get free entertainment in the process!
 
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Most of these sound like a bunch of "Things old people would say..."

Except for 66/67 which sounds like "Things mentally unstable people would say..."
 
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