Your funniest Amtrak story?

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IndyRacingNut

Train Attendant
Joined
Jul 8, 2012
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51
Location
Richmond, VA
I'm sure this has been asked before, but I can't get enough funny stories in my life, so I'd like to hear any of yours. :lol:
 
Well, I will give a try. Not a ha, ha funny, but it brought a smile to my face. About 4 years ago we were on an adventure on The Zephyr, west of Denver. We headed to the dinning car for lunch, and were fortunate enough to be seated with a young couple from Russia. A fun experience by the way. As our server was taking our orders, mixed with a little small talk about our countries, and somehow a comment was made mentioning our government leaders being less than stellar. Something we Americans take for granted being able to say. The Russian man quietly agreed that most officials are less than perfect, then automatically snapped his head around to see if anyone was listening to our conversation. His young wife grabbed his arm, and they both became very red faced. We mentioned they had nothing to worry about, and that this type of talk is pretty much a national hobby. But it did make me smile to realize, how different this country is.
 
In Grand Junction, CO I was outside talking to a SCA as the crew were servicing the train. As we were standing there gabbing, the water began to overflow from the potable water tank on the diner.

A fellow passenger ran up and asked my SCA for how long would they let diesel fuel spill all over the ground from the diner. We both just laughed and the SCA told her they paid for X dollars worth and Amtrak was going to take it whether they needed it or not. After which the SCA straightened out what was going on.
 
Well, I will give a try. Not a ha, ha funny, but it brought a smile to my face. About 4 years ago we were on an adventure on The Zephyr, west of Denver. We headed to the dinning car for lunch, and were fortunate enough to be seated with a young couple from Russia. A fun experience by the way. As our server was taking our orders, mixed with a little small talk about our countries, and somehow a comment was made mentioning our government leaders being less than stellar. Something we Americans take for granted being able to say. The Russian man quietly agreed that most officials are less than perfect, then automatically snapped his head around to see if anyone was listening to our conversation. His young wife grabbed his arm, and they both became very red faced. We mentioned they had nothing to worry about, and that this type of talk is pretty much a national hobby. But it did make me smile to realize, how different this country is.
There used to be a joke in Russia about a KGB guy walking into a bar. He asks another guy, "tell me, what do you think of our glorious leader, Comrade Brezhznev?"

The man is surprised by the question, "well, the same as you I guess".

"In that case I must arrest you."

"
 
Maybe not the funniest but the most recent story. In February 2013 I went to a geocachers "Mega Event" in Yuma from central Oregon.. I went by coach and bus with a stop to see my grandkids in Newhall CA.

My DIL dropped me off at Burbank for the Surfliner (over an hour late). I took the early SL. We sat for nearly an hour in Maricopa so that we would be on time to Tucson. I didn't want to be dropped in Yuma at 1AM. Rented the car and went back to Yuma and attended the meeting and found geocaches including 2 in Mexico.

I returned the car in Tucson and got a city bus back to near the train station.

The westbound SL came in about 8PM for my very first ride in a roomette. The SCA met me at least 100 feet from the door to the sleeper car and took my heavy bag. He took me to my roomette which was still in day mode. He told me that they had saved a steak just for me. I went to the dining room and ordered my steak the way I wanted it. I was just cutting the first piece off the steak when smoke came billowing out of the downstairs kitchen. I didn't see the chef come upstairs so he must have handled it. The dining car staff said we were evacuating the dining car and brought me a cover for my meal which I took back to my roomette. My SCA came back to pick up my plate and silverware. He asked if there was anything else and I asked for a desert which I got in a disposable bowl with a plastic spoon.

I had the last meal served from that dining car until we got back to LAX.
 
It's not actually a funny story, but the Conductors on the Sunset Ltd. used to announce @ stops : " Be sure and stay trainside. If you get left behind, next Train is in Three Days!"
 
I go downstairs to use the Shower and when I open the door, there's a college-age couple from the Coaches going at it fast and furious! I slam the door shut and a couple minutes later they come flying out of there faster than a pair of Turpentined Cats and redder than red can be!
 
On one of my first long-distance train trips to Florida, I had a wonderful SCA--a very helpful and informative young man. But he was always on the go--he would be in sight when I didn't need him and not in sight when I did. (I didn't realize yet all the duties an SCA has, and that he might be getting someone's meal from the dining car, for example, if I didn't see him. Plus, the call button didn't work--never been on a Silver train where they do--and it wasn't important enough to use that, anyway.)

I was looking for him to ask him a question, and couldn't find him anywhere in the car. I was standing outside my roomette and muttering to myself, "Where could Jimmy [can't remember his name, for sure, after all these years--it was Jimmy or Billy, though, I think] be? How far can you go in a single-level train? He was just here a minute ago--he can't just disappear...."

At which point I turned around and there he was, standing right there in front of me, grinning, and asking if I was looking for him and could he help me with something?

I was so embarrassed--I'm sure he heard the whole thing--but I do chuckle now when I think about it, and I remember the good sense of humor and patience he had in dealing with a newbie.
 
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At a regularly scheduled "fresh air" stop on the Zephyr last week, the passenger 2 doors down from us in a bedroom was complaining about everything since we got on the train yesterday. As I was standing outside in Glenwood Springs, 2 uniformed police officer's spoke with the conductor and entered the train. A few minutes later they came back out empty handed. Apparently he wasn't in the bedroom. He was hiding in the bathroom in the bedroom!He was not happy, but, everyone else on the train was!
 
Christmas Eve, 2014. Had a passenger who had too much to drink causing problems on the train. He even told the conductor "I jumped out of planes for this country." In my mind, I was like "So did thousands and thousands of other people." The conductor also agreed with him too as he also served in the armed forces as well.

Surprisingly, he didn't get put off the train (nobody did, except for a pregnant woman who was going into labor). About the time I boarded the train at Winter Park, the coach in front, someone got into an argument with another passenger over a crying kid. Holidays, they bring the best or worst outta of people.
 
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Well, I will give a try. Not a ha, ha funny, but it brought a smile to my face. About 4 years ago we were on an adventure on The Zephyr, west of Denver. We headed to the dinning car for lunch, and were fortunate enough to be seated with a young couple from Russia. A fun experience by the way. As our server was taking our orders, mixed with a little small talk about our countries, and somehow a comment was made mentioning our government leaders being less than stellar. Something we Americans take for granted being able to say. The Russian man quietly agreed that most officials are less than perfect, then automatically snapped his head around to see if anyone was listening to our conversation. His young wife grabbed his arm, and they both became very red faced. We mentioned they had nothing to worry about, and that this type of talk is pretty much a national hobby. But it did make me smile to realize, how different this country is.
There used to be a joke in Russia about a KGB guy walking into a bar. He asks another guy, "tell me, what do you think of our glorious leader, Comrade Brezhznev?"

The man is surprised by the question, "well, the same as you I guess".

"In that case I must arrest you."

"
O.K. Now I did chuckle.4 years after the event!
 
I have a couple.

Last April, I was on my first Amtrak trip and was riding the SWC between Kansas City and LaPlata, MO just sitting peacefully in the lounge car when we past a freight train that made a lot of noise. I didn't say any thing, but flinched in my seat. There was a nice elderly lady who saw me and said, "Don't worry Dear, I did the same thing on my first trip." After that, I was used to it.

Another time on the way back on the SWC, we were crossing the Mississippi River. This lady sitting next to me in the lounge explained to me that she was from the East Coast and had never seen the river before. She went on that she hoped to see the bottom and hopefully see some fish. I told her that she would be disappointed, because the river is murky. After we crossed, she looked at me and said, "You are right. I don't know what I was thinking." I lifted her spirits by saying, "Hey at least you got to see it up close." She was happy with that response.
 
Most of my memorable Amtrak moments occurred as a teenager, riding in the Superliner smoking cars (RIP).

Best was when a 50-year-old (est.) woman who had had entirely too much to drink decided to hit on the conductor.

Being rejected, she slugged him in the face and was put off at the next siding. No need to wait for a station for her - police drove across the desert to meet the train.

Excessive drinking was a major problem in the smoking cars, and, I've been told, the main reason they were removed.

Unfortunately, Amtrak (at least the passenger element) has gotten a lot less interesting in their absence. A very unique band of people hung out in that room. I don't miss the on-board smoking (been quit 9+ years now) but I do miss the... "atmosphere".
 
I was on the Cap Limited and met up with a strange group of companions. One British guy like looked like Prince Charles, a single young girl, a Grandma from Chicago South Side, two youngish gay buddies of the way to Chicago school and me. We had some drinks downstairs in the snack bar and just BSing. Grandma was laughing and having a great time and young Prince Charles was coming out of his shell. The 2 gay bros were being very gay and close to wasted. Lots of laughter and good natured fun and humor.

All of a sudden, Miss Granny said, Lets Do Some Gin!!! It got silent I said, Miss Lady, I can't drink no more. She says, Naaawwww Honey, I mean the cards! Lets play gin! Well, we cracked up and did hang in for some Gin Rummy and slept real well that fun night.
 
Posts #2 and #4 (about Russia) reminded me of a non-Amtrak event. I took a short course in Russian many years ago. The only phrase I can remember can be translated as "I know nothing." Several years later, I was taking a federal government course. One of my classmates had married a Ukrainian national. We had an evening get-together which she attended; I told her I had taken the Russian course and all I could remember was "Я ничего не знаю." Without missing a beat, she replied, "Sometimes, that's all you need to know!"
 
Not exactly Amtrak, but it involves Amtrak:

One of my former professional colleagues, a PHD, was the classic absent-minded professor (we'll call him The Professor). He was (and still is) a really nice guy, but occasionally let theory get in the way of reality. He commuted to and from work via SEPTA Regional Rail on the Media/Elwyn Line (a SEPTA route that starts out next to the Amtrak NEC heading south out of 30th Street, then diverges west toward Media, PA.

One afternoon he was at 30th Street heading home and boarded a Wilmington-bound train (which runs on the Amtrak NEC) with another friend. That person thought it was odd, but assumed The Professor knew what he was doing. They sat together on the train, and The Professor immersed himself in some reading. About 20 minutes or so into the ride, The Professor hears the conductor call out a station stop for Eddystone - a station on the Wilmington Line. The Professor turns to my friend and says, "That stupid conductor does not even know what train he's on." Before my friend could even open his mouth, a southbound Acela blasted by the stopped SEPTA train. My friend said the look on The Professor's face was priceless.
 
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Just after I started college back in 1982, my parents moved from Illinois to suburban Philadelphia. For Christmas break, I took the Broadway Limited to see the new house for the first time. When I was seated for dinner, I was at a table with a couple in their 60s. As we talked, I discovered that they knew my parents. She was volunteering with the local Welcome Wagon and had gotten to know my parents when introducing them to their new neighborhood. He had worked for the Pennsylvania Railroad and shared some nice stories.
 
I have to add my experiences to Willem's story. I spent a semester in Hungary (and incidentally rode a lot of trains there). I don't speak Hungarian and couldn't learn it. But I swear there is one phrase and one phrase only that I do know to this day--"nem tudom," which means, you guessed it, I don't know. I think in Russia and former Soviet bloc countries, you learn that phrase quick, because you hear it so much! It was probably the safest thing you could say in Soviet times.
 
We decided we wanted to be on the newly restored lake shore ltd west. We boarded the train at Cleveland union terminal, a fine old station. We returned the same day. Amtrak decided to abandoned the terminal, we detrained on a cold wet morning on West third street. No platform, no access to the parking lot. No shuttle vans back to the terminal tower.Just a few taxis. Welcome to Cleveland!!! Course Amtrak eventually built an Amshack, a small improvement. Then came our current station. Still not much of an upgrade. Talk now finally a real station may be built in Cleveland.
 
It's not actually a funny story, but the Conductors on the Sunset Ltd. used to announce @ stops : " Be sure and stay trainside. If you get left behind, next Train is in Three Days!"
I heard that a couple of times on the SL westbound last week!
 
Back when you could take the train from Vancouver instead of the bus, as we were passing through a large park a totally naked man came out of the bushes and did a little dance. There were two English ladies in front of us and we heard the one by the widow say "why that man is without a stitch" the other woman was looking all around saying "where where" she was so upset she missed it. Then as we passed through Bellingham, the train is elevated as we passed a crowded out bar where all the women pulled up their shirts and flashed the other side of the train A memorable ride for sure.
 
In July of 2011 I took my two nephews on a holiday weekend getaway from Houston to the Big Bend (Lajitas Resort) area. As we were passing through Del Rio we sat down to breakfast in the dining car and were seated with a pleasant solo gentleman. We made small talk, and he said he was from Lake Charles and that this was his first Amtrak trip (it was the third and second trip for my two nephews, respectively). He asked where we were headed and we told him, "Alpine, Texas".

"I'm headed to Alpine, too...for one minute," he replied.

"One minute?" I asked.

"I was looking for a quick trip I could take out and back from Lake Charles," he said, "and I found that this train gets into Alpine at 1:24 p.m. The train coming back the other way leaves Alpine at 1: 25 p.m. (on Saturdays in 2011) The website wouldn't sell me a round-trip ticket for some reason, so I bought two one-way tickets." By this point my jaw was visibly hanging open. "I'm beginning to wonder, though...should I perhaps get off in Sanderson? The timing does seem a little tight."

By this time we were well out of Del Rio. I recovered sufficiently to tell him that, yes, he should get off in Sanderson, but that first he needed to find the conductor and Confess All, as Sanderson was (and is) a flag stop and that the trains Would Not Stop there unless they knew in advance that a passenger was waiting.

Shortly after breakfast the conductor got onto the PA and made an announcement that the train would be stopping in Sanderson to let off one passenger (I wonder who?). The denouement of the story is that the #1 Sunset Limited was in fact on-time as far as the east end of Alpine...but our opposite number, the eastbound Train 2, was early and pulled into the single track of the Alpine station before we did. We had to wait at the passing siding east of Alpine until #2 finished its station business and cleared the track. Our breakfast companion would have been Stuck Like Chuck until Monday.
 
OK, my story is funny in it's own little way, not Ha Ha funny.

My youngest daughter (18 at the time) and I were taking our first LD train trip to visit my oldest daughter in Utah. This was a little over 2 years after my husband (thier dad) had passed away.

I had reserved a shared airport van to take us to the train station. What shows up? A Lincoln Town Car. All the vans were already in use. Our driver's name was Bill.

On the Cap, our SCA tells us his name - Bill. My daughter and I look at each other thinking what a coincident.

On the SWC, our SCA announces over the PA, you can call me William or you can call me Will (or was it Willie - this was a few years ago), but don't call me Bill. Yet another William/Bill.

We flew home and again were picked up by a Lincoln Town Car instead of a van. We did not get the driver's name this time.

Why is this "funny"? My husband's name is William and he went by both Bill and Will(ie). And he did not like to fly, so I assume he went out to Utah with us by train but stayed behind (or took the train back) when we flew home. :ph34r: :p

For those who believe in an after life / paranormal activity, my oldest told me later, after I had told her this story, that she remembered something strange happening about the time she confirmed by a home test that she was pregnant (a few days after we had left). As I recall, the front door of their apartment opened and closed or something like that. I think her dad was letting her know he was there to watch over her and the baby. And I think she also experienced his presence during her labor. So I guess he did stay in Utah. :)
 
Not a funny story, but a funny one liner. One from working a cafe today in fact!

"Is there meat in the cheeseburger?" I held it together until after she left.
 
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